The Homicide of Chivalry

While this is not a post where I will be ranting about love, there is something to be said about the modern dance of dating that utterly confounds me. While I have been witness to and thus am convinced of the variety of ways in which the world is unfair to women, I am afraid that men get the shorter end of the stick when it comes to certain courtship rituals.

I thought I would list the number of ‘monkey tricks’ that guys must do to pass the eligibility test, but I am sure you are all aware of them so I am not going to bore you. Jumping straight in with both feet, let’s talk about the ‘bill’ or the ‘check’ as it is known in different places. Forget common courtesy or such, I know girls who think it is blasphemy for them to be expected to pay for their meals. First off, I don’t think the value of money is lost on anyone in today’s times. Everyone is careful about where they spend their money and how, people try to save each penny, sharing the expense when out with friends is the norm and yet, all common sense is lost when it comes to the ritual of dating. I sit in restaurants and watch, with slack-jawed horror, as seemingly independent and well-off girls sit as still as a statue as the man pays, tip and all. It’s not like your money is hard-earned whereas his money just grows in his backyard, is it? And it still makes a little sense if the girl is not earning or is unemployed, but there is absolutely no excuse when you earn and still don’t open that fancy purse.

It needs to be mentioned that most of the crowd is young and fancy-free, still just students, so when the guys pay it’s not even his money, it’s his parent’s dough he’s handing out like tissues. If such is the case, then parents should stop giving their daughters allowances the moment they start dating; all their expenses will be taken care of from here on out.

I know people think that a guy paying is no biggie at all. They even think it’s romantic, and sweet and all that mush, but girls don’t realise that by playing along with this rule they are negating all the efforts being made to liberalise women. This practice stems from ‘Man is the breadwinner’ rule, and thus by extension bears all expenses that his woman might have.

This causes a multitude of problems. Firstly, when a man pays for you, you become obligated to him, much like you are obligated to a landlord when you pay rent and occupy their housing. Just as the landlord and the tenant do not have equal ownership over the apartment, and the landlord occupies far greater importance in this equation, similarly the woman becomes subservient when the man provides for her. It then becomes obvious who is the decision maker in the relationship, the balance is upset, and the two members are no longer equal.

The problem is intensified if the woman makes no move to pay despite having a paying job. Just as a man is deemed ‘cheap’ if he cannot loosen the purse-strings, a woman is similarly judged if she has money and yet won’t pay. Think about it: Do you think highly of your friends who mooch off of you every time you guys hang out at a restaurant or a club? Even if no one says so outright, it is at the back of their minds.

If a woman thinks that being taken care of financially by her husband/boyfriend is her right, think again. When arguments crop up, and accusations are hurled without thinking, it is not unheard of for the man to question the right of the woman to even be dissatisfied with him or complain about him, because he pays for everything, and thus by default is above judgement. The same sentiment is carried into instances of domestic abuse, sexual assault and general ill-treatment of a woman in a relationship; how can she complain when she doesn’t even pay for the clothes on her back, the food she eats, and the vehicle she drives in? These issues occur because the rule of the world is that the ones with the money make the decisions, and subconsciously these rules apply in our personal relationships too. And the fact remains, that anyone with a smidgen of self-respect would pay for their own stuff.

I have similar objections when men pull out chairs and open car doors for women. I also do not think much of women who insist of being treated such. Do they not have functional limbs? Are they monarchs of some nation, perhaps? If none of these are valid in their case, I see no reason for someone to wait on them hand and foot.

Yes, I understand that treating your partner in a special way is desirable in relationships, but as I always say, it should go both ways. After all, it’s not fair to expect males to make extravagant gestures to express their love, women should do it too. Then, the general populace will realise that material declarations of love cost a hefty sum and maybe love is best expressed in the classic ways – with gentle words and lasting promises and everlasting commitment.

Damn, it got romantic anyways. Oh, well.


One thought on “The Homicide of Chivalry

  1. I understand what you are saying, but there are exceptions that, perhaps, we are not aware of when we simply observe other people. For instance, when I go out to dinner with a male friend, or friends, it is established among us beforehand who is paying what. Usually, we pay independently: even though one may pick up the check, the other reimburses him or her for his or her portion. Sometimes, one or two invite the others and pick up the check for everyone. As for doors and chairs, it depends on who gets there first. Sometimes, it is a matter of necessity; sometimes a matter of manners. In no way does either choice diminish the man or woman. A woman who is sure of herself and her worth, or a man who is comfortable in his own skin arrive at arrangements that suit them both.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s